Anxiety is a terrible thing. It can drive you crazy. Anxiety means worry, obsessiveness, and more worry. I had never experienced anxiety until I became pregnant. I can recall that first burst of it like if it were just yesterday….
I was doing chores around the house (something I did everyday) and all of a sudden I could not breath, I started to shake and felt like my heart was about to come out of my chest. It was terrible. It was terrifying.
At first I thought it was nothing more than just a dizzy spell, overdoing it while pregnant…that kind of thing. Then it happened again and again. It usually occurred while I was driving to work and driving back home. I still cannot explain what the correlation between driving and my anxiety had, but that is when it mostly happened. Maybe it was just when I had the most time to “think” about all the changes that were about to take place.
When I finally figured out what was going on, I called my doctor, worried of course that this may hurt the baby. My doctor quickly explained that apparently many pregnant women (first time moms especially) experience anxiety from time to time. It was all the result of me worrying about the unknown…questions looming over my mind about the new world I was about to become part of…motherhood.
1. Would I be a good mom?
2. Would the baby be healthy?
3. Would I be ok with the idea of not working for the first time in my life?!
4. What would delivery be like?
5. Would I be able to loose the baby weight?
So many, many questions…and so much worry simply created a lot of anxiety. Don’t misunderstand me, it was not constant. It was not every day or all the time…just when I stopped to think about these things.
Now that my son is almost 2 years old…I see that the anxiety still comes from time to time. Whenever he gets sick with something I do not understand. When he decides he doesn’t want to eat for two days and I have to play chef to find the meal he will eat. When I think about him starting school…
Anxiety and motherhood, I would so go hand and hand. It is all about wanting the best for our children and our concern for them. I am happy to say that I am now more comfortable with my anxiety. I understand it and can certainly cope with it.
Motherhood is full of beautiful things…and a little worry from time to time. It is a beautiful thing.